I Cannot Sit by Idly

There is an issue that has come up at Philippine Science High School (Diliman Campus), my secondary school alma mater, and my first regular long-term employer. It seems yearly now that there would be an issue, and I do not like dredging up the past, since each year promises something that is different (and yet the same) as those before. My sister pointed out the blog posts of Jonathan de Guzman Isip, a graduating student, Ma. Cristina Bargo, formerly (?) of the PSHS-Diliman Math Dep, and Martin Perez, Batch 2011 adviser, and Social Science teacher at PSHS-Diliman.

Mind you, I am currently ill, and worried about a project due later this week that I have yet to put mind and effort to, so you can take that if you will. I feel the need to put my own voice to this din, for reasons that I will tackle momentarily.

I graduated from Philippine Science High School (Diliman) in 1995, and most of my closest friends did, as well. After getting my BS in Mathematics from UP Diliman, I had taught at PSHS-Diliman from 2000-2003, and in hindsight, those were not my best years teaching. My students would probably not vouch for me, but I am certain that I could have done better by them, and that my only hope is that they are better for having been with me for their year than not---I know that I am wiser now than then. I left Philippine Science partially due to the strain of my final year teaching there and my personal situation at the time. I returned to teaching in the UP-Diliman Computer Science department in November of 2003, and last taught there in the semester ending November 2008, during which I finished my MS in Mathematics from Ateneo de Manila University. Currently, I am overseas, trying to get a doctorate in Mathematics.

My impromptu resume is meant to establish what life-path I have undertaken, with respect to Pisay. I had taken, I had given, I had left, hopefully not for good.

In my first two years, I was teaching Computer Science, mostly programming. In my fateful, final year, I asked to be moved to the Mathematics Department, under Sir Alex Alix, and I ended up teaching Mathematics 5 and 7, the former with Dinah Gutierrez and Petri Espanol.

I had known Kuya Petri from the year we had both been in the Boys' Dorm annex, him in 4th year, me in 1st year. I knew of Dinah from my sister, who graduated in 2000, so I knew that I was in good hands.

I was the worst of us teaching Math 5 that year. I had no inclination to give homework, because I was loath to check them, and felt that they didn't properly convey a student's understanding, which meant that my grades were mostly from quizzes and exams. A quite public scolding made me change my mind after the first quarter, and I was thankful, because it would be better for the students to be reminded of what was expected of them, and to have an idea of who was having problems with the content. My personal situation was tenuous, so I barely kept my consultation time, but made time if the students needed it---I was not likely to seek them out, unless their quarterly grades were low.

Through all this problematic period, I heavily relied on Dinah, Petri and Sir Alex, to make sure that I was covering what I should, to get ideas when I couldn't seem to push my students past the obstacles provided by the course, to get focus when my vision of what a student should be was not holding up to the reality. During much of the latter part of that year, I felt like I was not cut out to teach.

You see, these were teachers that had given time, effort and commitment to teaching at Philippine Science. They had established themselves as teachers, and distinguished themselves due to these virtues. The only reason I had been able to see the year through, for my students, for myself, is that they were able to keep me righted, saw that I would not harm the students, and made sure that we were all keeping as close to the school's mission as possible.

Yes, this was years ago, and people change. Yes, one year cannot be compared with another, since components, environments and conditions change.

I cannot help but identify with the problem, because during that year, I had an advisee fail to graduate.

I don't see the need to outline our methodology for these cases: the student handbook is clear. What may seem unusual is the effort that is put in by the department and by the teachers to place all possible considerations so that students, especially those who have put in four years at Pisay, to pass and to graduate.

Why is that? There is the purely economic reason: the government has spent on your four years of education, and wants returns. Your diploma signifies government service. I'm not sure if this applies to when you don't actually get a diploma. There is also the emotional welfare of the student to consider. I'm not certain if the continuity of education is a problem; I hear that colleges will take you based on the entrance examination (and other factors, such as grades through the third year for UP for example).

Nobody really thinks about how teachers are affected by this. Nobody I have worked with has been blase about failing students; nobody I have worked with has doled out failing marks with malicious approbation, or with even the smallest bit of levity. Each time that I had failed a student, first-year, second-year, fourth-year students, I had to worry about what I had not done, because I was, with the help of other faculty, already trying to do as much as I can at that point. You can always doubt yourself, which is why these accusations are so damning---every teacher has a bit of him or her that is taking that tack from within.

Starting from the year-level teachers within the department, the department itself, the year-level teachers for all subjects, then the entire faculty, failing students is something that is questioned and has to be defended with full accountability---in fact, any grade that seems out-of-the-ordinary is a matter for discussion, good or bad. This is before the grades can be put on record. Teachers are taken to task by those we work with, those who have seen the same students, through the different lenses of their respective subjects (and the dorm managers, if relevant), been in the same halls, have seen different aspects of those situations to which everyone has been subject.

Questioning these grades now holds not just the system, but the integrity of all involved, under the same interrogation: these two teachers, who have been labelled as incompetent and malicious, are implicitly backed up by the entirety of the faculty body, to each one. To label them such is to cast a net on all of us who have worked with them, who have been helped by them, and to all who have had the privilege of their tutelage, whether student or co-worker. I, for one, owe them, and by extension, so do all of my students.

I stand by the school, as it stands by its teachers. Academic freedom allows us to teach to the best of our abilities, regardless of methods, subject to the standards to be upheld individually, by department, and by the faculty as a whole. Compassion is what drives us to find what the grades and the numbers cannot tell, and possibly hide, to ascertain that each student is realizing his or her potential, and sometimes, to determine if what has been done is enough or is not. We teachers do not play dice, though it may seem so, from our "god-like" juggling of percentages, but we are not magicians: we cannot make points appear out of nowhere, even when we feel like it. It is so much easier to just tweak numbers to lower passing rates, such as what had happened, to avoid having to declare who among your students do not deserve another chance, to curtail the privilege of graduating with that ballyhooed piece of parchment---we always feel that every student is deserving, innocent until.

Enough rhetoric. Put up your dukes. I left Philippine Science because I was no longer convinced that I was doing well by the students; everyone is entitled to an opinion as to how well anyone is doing, but some opinions matter more than others. If Dinah and Petri are turned out, which I highly doubt, I will sympathize with the grief that will arise, but I will not fight it. If this situation aggrieves them sufficiently to leave on their own accord, then I know whose hands will be unclean, but again, it no longer my fight. In either case, I will, however, immediately FedEx my diploma---untarnished and unmolested---because by then, it will no longer mean as much to me. All of you alumni, who yearly have been asked to reconsider the value of your diplomas, can mark this that time of the year.